PPD and dropping the f bomb on the Walgreen's clerk

My script for my depression meds ran out last week. I called my doc to get a refill and the nurse said no. Apparently I missed an appointment and they would have to see me before refilling. I understand that, to a point. YOU DO NOT WITH HOLD BEHAVIORAL MEDS FROM A DEPRESSED PERSON. Not only does it put me at a risk, it puts my family at a risk. This is not news. I don't know what the F they were thinking. I finally got my script after being off meds long enough to feel suicidal.

I went to Walgreens to pick it up and guess what? More problems. The guy said he couldn't give me my drugs because he wasn't sure if the script I gave them had the "new safety background." I have always gone out of my way to be kind to service people. At this point though, I was in tears. I told him it "wasn't my fucking problem if they didn't have their shit together enough to keep track of that sort of thing." My script WAS on the right paper and they should have documented it, or at least called me (they had it for 24 hours and never bother to tell me there was a problem). I think at that point he saw what it was for, and how I was acting. He got the manager and they gave me my meds. THANK GOD.

It has been two days back on and I couldn't be at a lower place than I am right now. I am just holding on to the idea that they will kick in soon and I will feel better. I keep looking at my boys and berating myself for feeling this way. I am so blessed and yet I hate my life right now. I have been through this so many times, you'd think I would know better than to beat myself up. nah. I think this is the worst it has been for a long time though. I actually got angry at my 7.5 month old tonight because he wouldn't go to sleep and bit my breast. I had to walk away for a few minutes at that point. When I came back he was smiling and happy. That is my reason for living right now. My babies need me and they love me. Heck, they think I am the cat's meow. If I keep repeating it, maybe I will believe it.

That is all I feel like saying right now. I hope everyone else out there on Planet Mommy is having a better time of it than me right now.